Worst. Airline. Trip. Ever.

I can't remember if it was 2004 or 2005, and the exact dates don't come immediately to mind. It should because of the horrific circumstances, maybe I'm just blocking. Many people in the Northeast and Midwest will remember it as the big black-out, when large areas of the country went powerless for no reason whatsoever. It was also a time when I had big plans for a wedding trip.

My cousin (who is more like my nephew, really) was getting married in Columbus, Ohio. I was living in Massachusetts at the time. All of us family members, scattered far and wide, had been planning this trip for months. Finally, we would be getting together for a happy occasion instead of for a funeral, which was our usual M.O. I would be driving up to New Hampshire to fly with my aunt Pat out of Manchester, connecting in Cleveland, and on to Columbus. We had snagged some really cheap tickets on Continental on the net, and all was set........

Now, conventional wisdom is to get the earliest flight out. The later in the day, usually, the more you have delays. The ole' domino effect, what have you. Well, we had the first flight out. Paranoid as I am about over-sleeping for something like this, I pulled an all-nighter. Earlier in the day, there had been reports about black-outs in New York and Ohio, so I kept a close eye on the news and on the Continental web-site. Around 2am, the web-site started saying to call the 1-800 number for "possible" delays. So I did. And I got put on hold. For an hour and a half. But I had to leave to make it to the airport. So I left. And drove. Really, really fast. I picked up my aunt in Nashua. And we drove. Really, really fast.

We got to the airport 45 minutes before the flight, and believe me, the adrenaline was pounding. We approached the check-in and proceeding to be chastised for not arriving 2-hours before the flight. As our flight was for 6:30, I asked the lady if she was there at 4:30. "No, we don't open the window until 5:00." (Insert quizzical, smart-ass look here) I replied, "Well, I've been on hold since 2:00 this morning." Things only got uglier from there.

"Your flight from Manchester to Cleveland was cancelled, but we might be able to re-route you through Newark." Tap tap tap tappety tap. Tap tap.

"Yes, here we go, I can get you on the flight to Newark and then on a connecting flight to Columbus. It's leaving in 20 minutes, so you'll have to hurry." She printed out the boarding passes for this trip and the connecting flight, and we were off!

My aunt and I made like OJ and ran to the Security Check. Do I need to tell you about the line there? And this was before the ole' 1 ounce of this and one ounce of that shit. We got through the line with about 5 minutes to spare, arriving at the gate unable to breathe and made it by the skin of our teeth. And received the evil-eye and tut-tuts from the gate staff, but we got on anyway. I guess my stare-of-death softened them up a tad.

Breathe, breathe, find the seat, relax. We made it! We're on our way! No little power outage could stop us! Ha Ha! The rest of the trip should be toast now! Dum, de dum dumb. Cue the black cats and circling vultures.

We arrived in Newark the victorious warriors. On to the next menial task of checking in for Columbus. Our flight was called and we stepped up with our Golden Tickets for Wonka-land. Slide it into the receptacle 10 feet from the entrance to our chariot. Red light. Slight chuckle. Let's try this again, shall we? Must be some mistake. Red Light! again. Not funny.

"I'm sorry, sir, could you step aside while I check out your boarding pass?" Tap tap, tappety tap.

"I'm terribly sorry, it would appear your boarding passes have been cancelled."

"So, tell me, how could these be cancelled if we were up in the air when it happened?"

"I have no idea, it must have something to do with the black-out."

"Well, Manchester had plenty of power, and, unless I'm totally blind, you seem to have plenty here in Newark. Just print us out 2 more boarding passes and we'll be on our way."

"I'm sorry, sir, the flight is booked solid, so we'll have to put you on the waiting list."

"And how many people are on the list, pray tell?"

"Uhhh, eight so far."

Care to wager how far down the wait list they got? If you chose eight, you win the stuffed giraffe.

TO BE CONTINUED......