Tuesday, July 29, 2008

So Where's Allen Funt?

On my way home tonight, I stopped at the local grocery store to pick up a few needs to tide me over until the week-end. Milk, granola bars, lunch meat, whatever. I always feel lucky if they have the self-check-out lane open and it was. "Score" in more ways than one.

After scanning my items and totalling the bill, I decided I needed an extra ten bucks until payday. So, after going through the process with my debit card, I looked in the cash back chute. There was a crisp twenty sitting there and then my two fives fluttered down on top of it. Hmmmmmm.

I look around to see if anyone is watching. None that I can tell. Is this Candid Camera? A hard-hitting expose from Night-line? Is that Dianne Sawyer thumbing through the Enquirer in the next lane?

What would you do?

I took the twenty up to the Service Desk and turned it in like the boob that I am. It sure would have come in handy, but I wouldn't have enjoyed it after the guilt got through with me.

No. Really. Tell me what you would do. I'm curious.

And if you don't know who Allen Funt is, ask your dad.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Let's Just Agree to Disagree, Hmmmm?

When you work with a bunch of right-wing neo-conservatives, conversation can often be confrontational. I stay out of it. I don't want people to know who I'm voting for, nor the laws I support. I don't want to explain why Proposition X, Y, or Z is supported by ignorant asses.

The thing that truly chaps my ass though, is people who ignore the other point of view. These are the poeple who drive me nuts, although I've learned over the years to not even get in a discussion with them. Because they never lose (in their own mind). Because what you think doesn't matter. Because you're an "idiot" if you disagree with their right-wing lunacy. When the talk turns to politics, I change the subject.

These people never agree to disagree, they choose to denigrate anyone with a differing viewpoint. The biggest example at my place of work went through a long, messy, expensive divorce last year. Wonder why? He also takes the word of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity as gospel. Any supporter of Obama is immediately labeled a communist. He's one of those "I've got mine, everyone else can go to Hell" type of people.

I don't know why some people can't just agree to disagree and go on. I think insecurity plays a part. Lack of interaction with people of different faiths, backgrounds, and ideologies contributes, also. It's just their smug "know everything" attitude that ruins it.

Bet you know someone like that. They seem to multiply faster than others.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

People Who Should Disappear From the Face of the Earth

Each of the following don't deserve their own post, let alone me taking the time to write about them. But, as a whole, these are the people who make our lives a living Hell. Or, at the least, a less harmonious world.

*Servers who hand me my glass of (whatever) with all five fingers touching the rim. My version of the "octopus serve", with palm down and all five fingers surrounding the top. Hello! I don't know where your fingers have been. Probably grabbing four glasses from the table you just bussed by putting your fingers into the tops and lifting. And then not washing your hands after. Right after you picked your nose. Or, whatever.

*People who drive in the left lane at the speed limit. Yes, I know you are totally legal doing this. But, hey, some of us like to thumb our noses at the designated speed limit. Yes, we are doing something totally illegal. GET YOUR ASS IN THE RIGHT LANE, BITCH! (And, yes, those who are guys are bitches also) Have you heard of "road rage"? You are the cause. Move your ass over.

*Those who choose to write a check in the "Express Lane" at the grocery store. And then wait to put pen to check until the total is calculated. Hello, the date is not going to change, write it down while 'Sally' is scanning your shit. Your signature is not going to change with the total. The name of the store is not going to suddenly change, either. Obviously, your time is not that important. But, 'news-flash', mine is, thank you very much.

*Bussers who go by the table and say, "You through with that?". If I was through with that, I wouldn't be eating from it, and it would be sitting by the edge of the table. Duh!

*Newspaper columnists who should be labeled lobbyists. You shill for the same causes every week. We know your affiliation by now. Stop calling yourself a 'journalist'.

*People who live in apartments who are oblivious to those little lines called 'parking spaces'. If you can't fit your '92 Toyota in those spaces, you shouldn't be driving.

*People, who when calling my place of business by mistake just hang up instead of saying "Sorry, wrong number".

*People, who call my business, who mistakenly think we have X, Y, or Z, and I give them the name of our competitor, who then ask, "Do you have their number?". Yeah, it's 411. Give it a try, dude.

*Turd-wads who look at a price-tag and say, "I can get this for x-dollars less on-line". Or, "I saw this for so-and-so at Wal-Mart". One, if you order it online, you have to pay for shipping, dipshit! And if it arrives damaged, how much is your time worth to rectify the situation? Two, the item you saw at Wally-world is not the same as what we carry. Plus, they have about a million times more buying power than we have. The same goes for the distribution center of your mega-billion-dollar fast-food outlet. Sorry, we buy by the dozen, not by the kazillion.

*New neighbors who think their offspring's bike should be parked in front of my door. News-flash! This is not a dorm. I pay for that little bit of concrete in front of my door. You don't. Or maybe, things are different in Louisiana.

*People who drive 5mph below the speed limit in no-passing zones and then speed up when you get the dotted-lines to pass. Hey, dufus, you have a Lexus. I'm pretty sure that $40k car has cruise control.

*People who block the aisle at the grocery store. Hello, is this the way you drive? Please, give me a five minute head start before you leave the parking lot.

*People who think that, at my place of business (a commercial kitchen equipment supply company), we should carry every little piece of ephemora associated with cooking. 2-1/2" tart pans are not widely used in restaurants now-adays. Nor are cherry-pitters, layer-cake columns, bundt cake pans, or other obtuse contrivances called for on a daily basis by our restaurant customers. Sure, we can special order it for you, but don't be shocked when we ask you to pay for shipping. Or, if it may take a week or more to get it in. Until that Star-Trek transporter is perfected, we are at the whim of the shipping companies. And their minimum-wage employees. Deal with it. Plan ahead.

Whew, that was a lot off of my chest! It's been building for awhile, and I'm sure I'm forgetting many, many other pet peeves, but that should do for now. What are your "duh" statements to your customers?