Semi-Celebrity Deli Shananigans

So, I start this new job at a new deli. A step up from fast-food, whoo-hoo! After working at chain fast-food, I thought I had it all worked out, I knew it all now. Boy, was I a naive 19-year-old.

First, the owner (or namesake, whatever). I won't give a name, but he hosted a local talk-show, a poor-man's Regis Philbin in the early days (this is the armpit of Ohio). A legend in his own mind. Luckily, he had very little to do with the day-to-day operations of the place. In one year, I see him maybe 6 times. Thank God, I thought we might have to widen the doorways to fit his inflated, combed-over head.

Next, the real bucks behind it. Italian ancestry. Lots of connections. A daughter who married a dufus and had a kid. Dufus needs a job. Instant General Manager. Who hires me.

Mix in a staff who are operating on a mixture of amphetamines, pot, caffeine, hormones, and apathy. I started out loving working there. Parties after work. Good food while we worked. And we had great food. Huge Toledo-made corned beef and pastrami sandwiches on sensational rye and pumpernickel artisanal bread. Piled high subs. My mom's recipe macaroni and potato salad. Made from scratch cole slaw. Scrumptious fruit salad.

Too bad our audience wasn't with-it enough to support that kind of enterprise. In the process I was promoted to Assistant Manager and basically ran it. Unfortunately, the owners thought the name recognition was enough and they didn't need to advertise. And the venture slowly dwindled to nothingness.

I was the first to go, since the owners thought that they'd make the son-in-law do some work finally. I applied for unemployment and was turned down. They blackmailed a girl who was having an affair with the son-in-law to say that I was late every day. She was married, with 2 children, and one of my best friends (I never knew she was boinking the dork), and she tearfully admitted it all to me one day after a game of cards.

I tried moving on, but there were no jobs to be had in North-west Ohio in 1980, so I took what I could get. I enlisted in the United States Air Force. Best job I ever had. Until many of my best friends started getting investigated for 'homosexual tendencies'. I was never questioned, but I saw the writing on the wall, and left with my Honorable Discharge in 1986. And a move to Michigan.