Each of the following don't deserve their own post, let alone me taking the time to write about them. But, as a whole, these are the people who make our lives a living Hell. Or, at the least, a less harmonious world.
*Servers who hand me my glass of (whatever) with all five fingers touching the rim. My version of the "octopus serve", with palm down and all five fingers surrounding the top. Hello! I don't know where your fingers have been. Probably grabbing four glasses from the table you just bussed by putting your fingers into the tops and lifting. And then not washing your hands after. Right after you picked your nose. Or, whatever.
*People who drive in the left lane at the speed limit. Yes, I know you are totally legal doing this. But, hey, some of us like to thumb our noses at the designated speed limit. Yes, we are doing something totally illegal. GET YOUR ASS IN THE RIGHT LANE, BITCH! (And, yes, those who are guys are bitches also) Have you heard of "road rage"? You are the cause. Move your ass over.
*Those who choose to write a check in the "Express Lane" at the grocery store. And then wait to put pen to check until the total is calculated. Hello, the date is not going to change, write it down while 'Sally' is scanning your shit. Your signature is not going to change with the total. The name of the store is not going to suddenly change, either. Obviously, your time is not that important. But, 'news-flash', mine is, thank you very much.
*Bussers who go by the table and say, "You through with that?". If I was through with that, I wouldn't be eating from it, and it would be sitting by the edge of the table. Duh!
*Newspaper columnists who should be labeled lobbyists. You shill for the same causes every week. We know your affiliation by now. Stop calling yourself a 'journalist'.
*People who live in apartments who are oblivious to those little lines called 'parking spaces'. If you can't fit your '92 Toyota in those spaces, you shouldn't be driving.
*People, who when calling my place of business by mistake just hang up instead of saying "Sorry, wrong number".
*People, who call my business, who mistakenly think we have X, Y, or Z, and I give them the name of our competitor, who then ask, "Do you have their number?". Yeah, it's 411. Give it a try, dude.
*Turd-wads who look at a price-tag and say, "I can get this for x-dollars less on-line". Or, "I saw this for so-and-so at Wal-Mart". One, if you order it online, you have to pay for shipping, dipshit! And if it arrives damaged, how much is your time worth to rectify the situation? Two, the item you saw at Wally-world is not the same as what we carry. Plus, they have about a million times more buying power than we have. The same goes for the distribution center of your mega-billion-dollar fast-food outlet. Sorry, we buy by the dozen, not by the kazillion.
*New neighbors who think their offspring's bike should be parked in front of my door. News-flash! This is not a dorm. I pay for that little bit of concrete in front of my door. You don't. Or maybe, things are different in Louisiana.
*People who drive 5mph below the speed limit in no-passing zones and then speed up when you get the dotted-lines to pass. Hey, dufus, you have a Lexus. I'm pretty sure that $40k car has cruise control.
*People who block the aisle at the grocery store. Hello, is this the way you drive? Please, give me a five minute head start before you leave the parking lot.
*People who think that, at my place of business (a commercial kitchen equipment supply company), we should carry every little piece of ephemora associated with cooking. 2-1/2" tart pans are not widely used in restaurants now-adays. Nor are cherry-pitters, layer-cake columns, bundt cake pans, or other obtuse contrivances called for on a daily basis by our restaurant customers. Sure, we can special order it for you, but don't be shocked when we ask you to pay for shipping. Or, if it may take a week or more to get it in. Until that Star-Trek transporter is perfected, we are at the whim of the shipping companies. And their minimum-wage employees. Deal with it. Plan ahead.
Whew, that was a lot off of my chest! It's been building for awhile, and I'm sure I'm forgetting many, many other pet peeves, but that should do for now. What are your "duh" statements to your customers?
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10 comments:
The one thing that bothers me is when family's go out to eat and the parents let there kids spend the entire meal playing with a Playstation, Game Boy or, listening to there Ipod. They spend the entire meal and are not even able to have a simple conversation. No wonder kids are so messed up.
LMAO!!! Boy am I glad I found your blog!! I worked in the biz for over 20 years waiting tables,bartending,training etcetc..i am sure you know what I am talking about.I move cross country to the South and dont work..I go back to work just to buy extras and I start working in a grocery store that is huge in the south and yes,farktards who write checks in express should be beaten with their checkbooks...Stupid farkers,the sign says 10 ITEMS OR LESS NO CHECKS!!!! What part of this sign do these asshats not understand!?!?!
Love the peeves. Good rants are always delightful.
Here's one: People who answer simple questions with the wrong answer, like:
What would you like to drink?
-I dunno.
-What do you think I should have?
-Beer. (Without naming which)
-A martini. (ditto)
OMG, the grocery cart blocking the aisle gets me, too!! I get crazy-insane with rage at these people. I can't tell you how many carts I have moved *for* them. They're always shocked.
Bastards.
The octopus serve is gross, but even worse is when they are carrying 3 glasses by pushing them together sticking their fingers inside the center.
Yuk-I often shook my head at those families who sit there in their own little world. Cell-phone calls or texts, DVD players for the crotch-spawn, I-pods, etc. What happened to communication? Are they that bored with each other?
Indy-Glad you found me. I honestly can say that EVERY time I go to the grocery store I walk out in a bad mood. And it's not always because of the prices. All propriety seems to go out the window when people go through the 'swoosh' doors. Today at Wally-world, a 60-ish fat man was using his cart as a walker while talking on his cell phone. He got in my way twice, in two seperate sections of the Supercenter!
Ali-nice to hear from you again! Reminds me of all those people who would order a martini. Uhhh, up or on the rocks? Gin or vodka? Well or call? Twist or olive? Get with it already!
Always-See above for more ranting at the grocery. Not to mention when there are 5 or more in each line, and there are employees lounging around customer service. And the self-checkout is closed. And no express lane. On and on and on!
Snark-Always good to get your input! At restaurants, my biggest pet-peeve? Servers squatting by the table like they're your bestest friend while taking orders. So insincere. Or when they take a seat at the table to take an order. Hello, did I invite you to join me?
Again, thanks to all the commenters!
I was gonna tear you a new one for the right lane crap, and then I remembered where you live.
Have fun driving behind the nearly dead!
John
good rant list but i am surprised your company expects a customer to pay shipping on a special order. I grew up in retail and part of your pricing is the shipping. I can see it if your having to order it from a specialty supplier who you arent ordering anything else from. But I would think most basic items you dont stock would be orderable from a main supplier you have a weekly delivery from.
John-Yes, this is indeed God's waiting room.
Old Retail Boy-We're basically wholesale-ish. We are not Wal-mart or Costco. The showroom floor is a converted grocery store and it is filled with everything from aprons to 10-burner stoves. The majority of our vendors have a minimum order for free freight and we order from them around once a month. Every once in a while, a customer comes in, sees an item we have, wants it in another color, and wants it by the week-end. The prices we put on the items on the floor reflect the free-freight price we pay. If they can't wait until our next free-freight order, then they must pay.
And just like gas prices, freight and shipping prices ain't gettin' any cheaper.
"Octopus serve"...never heard of it but the description is right on.
So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager
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